I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
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