no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
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