A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
