Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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