So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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