Yo dont text me then not text me
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
