The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
