Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
