they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
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