New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
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