Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
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