I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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