I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
don't judge my taste in strippers
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Randomize
