There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize
