yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
