Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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