it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
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