This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
