hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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