just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
True college students do jello shots in the library
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
