He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
All the doctor said was why
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
