Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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