My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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