peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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