I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
