I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Randomize
