Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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