And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
