How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
