He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
