4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
