Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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