my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Randomize
