Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
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