So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
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