if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
