I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
