the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Randomize
