i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
