I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Randomize
