Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
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