Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
