Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
