I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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