Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
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