Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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