Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
