Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
