im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
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