Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
