The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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