We named our party play list daddy issues
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
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