I just cut my nipple shaving
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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