My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
I wish i was in the wii world.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
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