Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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