? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Randomize
