I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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