Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
