i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
