You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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