Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Randomize