dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Randomize
