I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
