he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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