You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Randomize
