When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
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