oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
420 ftw
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
