Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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