so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
