That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
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