How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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