Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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