Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
