I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Randomize
