she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
