dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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