This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
